i live three lives at the same time.. in my head, in my heart and one through my hands. It;s true the other day i was at south bank in my head, while i was talking to Rave in my heart and i was writing an email to some applicant who had written in broken English about his experiences as a script writer.

My shadow is talking to me as i walk past the milkman, “someone on the opposite street thinks you are very sad today”. At times i feel there is just me who is actually living and all others are merely puppets of my fiction. And while i struggle to sketch reality with a charcoal, let me introduce you to some people i have met.. i luv … some i tried to hate and some i just know….

Names ? – i’ll try and recollect.. or else will just identify them wid graphics

a really bright blot of red paint…
“its okay” – atleast you where know the path you follow. Get up, look at that star.. look its smiling at you. It’s jealous. It thinks you have a better twinkle in your eye”.
“hah!” i say, “only you think so” with despair.
He smiles, holds my hand and says- “oh ho.. if only I knew it……., then why would the stars be so jealous? –
I completely reject this stirring thought, “they are there only because you show them to me”.

He is so amused. He knows i can see everything he is talking about, “hmmm well if thats the case should we ask this man sitting next to us if he can see them?

i reject it, “he is not there either.. there is noone there. its just us.. where is the bus stop. where we sit is a dark room with no light. We dont deserve the light, It’s only for those who manage to fool others and move on”.

melting metals – partially visible jupiter
You walk past giving me just enough time to realise that you are the one.
Just enough time to remember what is it that you look like from back. it’s merely a silhouette through the green grass and you were gone. The next time i remember i got up from half conciousness to realise i had to taken too many pills and i was crying too much to know what i was doing… you tried to keep me awake but i refused.. dint realise i was taking my best dream away from myself and next day i would sleep longer than i need…

a bright blue pot of ink
One the other side of the phone, she argues, i fight back, “no i prefer the sparkling blue, but ill buy the rough browns for you.” OH and whatever.. what are we going to have for dinner?”

She fights back, “dont be silly, its always the same, why are u asking stupid questions?”

I prefer to be the pathetically excited child in me, “Well i am happy.. I want to do something different today. I have to tell you about this conversation that i had with this person i met today. You just have to know it.. oh you should have been there right.” What i would have enjoyed would have been those stares eh would have got back. HA! – he would have run away. Good you were not there!”

Are you there? – did you hear that…. (constant silence on the other side. I hold on to the receiver for like 5 mins hoping ill hear something back and then finally put it down. )

A drop of sunshine
pink nails.. she’s got pink nails! – bright blue pot exclaimed! – “Hmmm” i said…
I watch her smile, she’s watching tv. that’s my drop of sunshine! – She gets me worked up completely when the table is left with crumbs of bread from morning. I hate seeing ants all over when i get back. I have told her several times. But i guess she enjoys watching me clean. She knows i tend to relax when i clean the mess around.

And look at this, I found her anklet in between the cushions of the sofa… Wow! should i scream Eureka! – I have finally found your blue pair, “but what’s the use”, she’ll say. I wore the dress on saturday. That’s when i had needed it the most.
“Mom no point cleaning when you cant find things when they are needed the most” – she screams from the kitchen
I hear a glass breaking, a sudden shriek. Woofus dashes through the door as if he can make everything okay. He tries to lick her face and she pushes him back. I laugh! – “Poor dog has seen you throwing cereals to him and cant imagine that he can’t play with you any more”


4 thoughts on “

  1. You wanted me to tear it apart? a beautifully weaved dream, it doesnt warrant an interruption..Somewhere down the line all characters looked so real to me that i tried guessing them and when i could not i threw up my hands in despair. I threw my scissors away 🙂

  2. The problem is…I am always stuck for comments..coz mostly I don’t know what on earth you are talking about!They are beautifully written pieces that I can’t make head or tail out of!

    Care to make me see light?!

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