She said don’t you think we are a bit too old for this? I could’nt agree more but there was far too much energy in me to handle the excitement of enjoying KK live. I wanted to be a 19 once again. I was craving for a feeling I hated the most. I wanted my parents to be upset with me for going to place that was not too safe according to them. Well!, this time I was driving there myself! I had to return back by a given time (But strangely it was not bothering me)
Right in the middle of nowhere, the two of us stood there not being successful to see the stage. I was trying to find a place where I could see the stage. I tried to stand on my toes.. to try and move a bit on the left and a bit on the right to see if I could catch a glimse. She said, “Look at the screen.”
I was quite dissappointed. I thought, Well! If I had to see him on screen then I would have just asked someone to send me a tape of the concert. Why would I want to come out in the cold and stand here see the screen. hmm… So there came the first song. There was a rush (in my head); I seemed to be a little bit too excited then the 19 year olds around me. I did find them staring once or twice instead of looking at the stage. It wasnt the first time someone was amazed by the freakiness. 5 songs down and I had forgotten who was besides me, everytime I looked back I found a different face, another time i found someone asking me to tie my hair up. I was too lost, happy and young to listen to that and replied, “I wont!” That’s when I felt it again. That’s when I realised it was not about watching someone on stage, it was not about standing in the cold, it was not about being young! It was about being in a crowd, being a part of the chorus created by us(the us that I had not made an effort to create!, it was about the effortless dancing and the unknown happiness that someone unknown standing next to you was experiencing.
Well! the knees did hurt and the throat ached. That’s when we decided to leave. Leaving the crowd behind I felt as if I was leaving a piece of me behind. A piece of me that I enjoyed. A piece of me that was young – NO! that was just me… It was a piece of me that I was comfortable being.
I realised it was not that I was not young anymore. It was how much I was trying to delete the chaos in my life. Yes! That’s all I needed a little bit CHAOS in my life!