muddled

he sat there looking at my toes.. i was reading a newspaper and trying to kill the long gaps of silence. There was seriously nothing much that we needed to talk. I dont even know why i decided to go there.
it was one of those rare quite times we were spending. I was getting a bit tense with all this non spoken space.
i tried to start a conversation that ended up in an argument as usual. I could not think of any other way of trying to explain the turmoil in my head (more in my heart). I tried explaining how something was annoying but just could not get to saying what had been bothering me.
In my head i screamed all those lines, in my heart i cried for not being able to touch, tell or tolerate.. .

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7 thoughts on “muddled

  1. These things happen dear. But speaking one’s mind helps clear the clutter. So go ahead and make the conversation. At least you wont be at war with yourself.

  2. Aadat se majboor. My new technique is to avoid contact and come back to speaking only after the battles with myself have ended. Only when the consequence of the conversation doesn’t bother me do I go back to try and talk. Else there is too much to lose. Peace of mind, to be precise. Plus, not making contact makes me relive the good memories, which helps me to stop getting annoyed or angry or feel misunderstood! It works for me.

  3. I thought this is a fiction..but understood reading the comments that its real šŸ˜‰
    There is no reason why you could not tell him what bothered you unless the other person is not interested or you are afraid of the eventuality! Get over that, believe in your relation, believe in the time that you ‘invested’ in the relationship! All is well!! šŸ™‚

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