marriage?…!

“The strength of marriage was measured not only by how it was upheld but also how people respond to betrayal..” (From the book, “The lost Flamingoes of Mumbai’ – Siddharth Dhanvant Sanghvi)

I am seriously a nobody to talk about marriage. Having myself not done very good job of it. But these lines from the book inspired me to just think aloud. Its a process or a goal that needs to be achieved in India. So while I was all set to marry the person who I was head over heels in love with (and my heart would probably take another 100 years to get over it all), I think I understood the meaning of this word and the institution much later. By the time I made sense of it all, marriage was long gone, and all I held in my hands were some papers that were a proof of the fact that I was once ‘married’. It was a very happy feeling. I had never felt more liberated, in control and grown up than the day that I got married.

I realised that those sheets of paper could and have never changed that ‘married’ state of my mind and it taking a very long time to accept that parts of it were illusions that I had created myself to keep myself happy. The person, the relationship and the institution existed only in my head.

On the flip side I realised, that noone would ever take that person away from me. Noone could take the time spent and the fact that I had evolved as a person.

So while I continue to be a hopeless and cynical lover, I realised that life cannot be lived like that. You had to move ahead from that one frame in your life. You had to create more frames, especially when there are 25 frames in a second in film!

So while I fight with the traditionally crazy person in my head to take a back seat and seek love in this wilderness of a society, I wonder if there are people who understand and can relate to my cynical perspective.

My interpretation of the lines above, is how married are you even after everything including the person and you yourself cheated yourself? If you still feel married to the idea of that person, then yes you are in trouble. 🙂 You are definitely going to need alot of meditation, writing and traveling before you will decide to behave like a normal human should…

Having failed miserably at something that I tried too hard to keep alive (And probably failed because I tried too hard!), I learnt that all you had to do was to set it free. Just let it fly and be itself. If it has to find you back , it will. And if it dint.. it was just a nightmare!

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7 thoughts on “marriage?…!

  1. The author has written well – thought this might complete his line of thought –
    “Most beautiful things in nature just are, rivers are, mountains are, flowers are – they just ARE – don’t need any sanction, a ceremony, a ritual, a priest, fire to be. The reason for this may be the TRUST of mountains, rivers, flowers and even animals in nature and WAYS of nature.
    In a very cynical way Marriage can be called a way to – just a way to fill the trust deficit that exist among humans – because they neither trust one another nor nature. Everyone who has married would not agree, and everyone who hasn’t would want to; LOL”

    • Thanks Nirjar for dropping by. It is indeed one of my fav topics to talk about 🙂 and it is very interesting as well. Like you said.. all things should be left to nature and so should be leave relationships. I am slowly learning and feeling much happier than I did before, The faster we manage to understand that it would be great…

  2. A sobering thought indeed…

    Just one thing though. I feel a lot of what you say is less about the institution of ‘marriage’, and more about any deep relationship. Yes, as you mention, the pain, the mixed feelings and the learnings all exist even after years – but wouldn’t they be there even if the relationship was ‘just there’- without the ‘band baaja baarat’ thing?

    • Suchi, Thanks for the comment. Am glad you read and shared.
      YES! the emotions do not change. I guess its a state of mind. Just another tag that we like having like ‘being a mother’

      I owe a lot to the relationships that I have had and especially my marriage. I feel it was just like taking the relationship to another level. But definitely not the final stage. For me, I was married in my head much before I was married, so it didnt change the way i felt. I guess just more people (family especially) knew how I felt about someone once I was married to him.

    • Thanks for visiting, reading and leaving a comment.

      Love and commitment are both, scary at times.. But its life and falling in love is inevitable..

  3. you are very much right..it takes a lot of meditation, writing and traveling before you evolve as a normal human being that a society can accept and you can fight back for your existence.

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