beyond the nonsense

I don’t like the taste of tea today. Don’t know if it’s the milk that’s burnt or is it me.

Sometimes when you decide to give yourself away too much you tend to you burn your fingers. And It seems as if I have fallen into the habit of trusting too much what people have to say. Can I borrow Karan Johar’s = lie – o – meter?

So what is it that we have learnt in the past few days????

> Don’t listen. Basically don’t listen to your heart and not someone else’s. It’s just meant to fog things around you and make you feel a little lost. It’s more like the puzzle creator I feel. Just tangles everything into one big bowl of Maggie (and trust me this image does not get out of my head) and leave you feeling hungry for more.

> Don’t get carried away into your dreams. Unless they come with realistic deadlines.

> Never break your resolutions!

(Okay so the flavour of this post is angry! – and it shall change to something better in a couple of hours for sure)

wish for you..

It’s already been 7 days this new year. Talk about time flying away. It’s amazing how everything suddenly turns optimistic, lively and spinning with a spirit of life.

I must say it was an interesting start to this year. Thanks to Nandini once again we had a quite but sizzling new year’s eve party. 5 women talking extremely compelling issues of existence.

So while Shantana snuggled onto the cosy couch with me (ye! we were running short on men that night!), I frantically sent messages to close friends wishing them the new year (Most of whom were so drunk that they really did not know what they were typing or saying.)

So for each one of you that made life great last year and added zing and ztang to this new year, here’s my wish for each of you…

Shanu, – for you my life and love a line from Bihkri.. Bikhri, “sach to yeh hai ki hona hai yun, …. phir chalegi hawa manchali… !”

Raoudie – ‘Just do it!” – I am looking forward to you performing on this number and I am sure you are going to rock the floor.

Nandini – I am hoping that your dreams on fire get realised, wishing you a coffees, cream and cuddles! and hence the dedication is ‘Dreams on Fire’

Ekta – For  being the  ’spirit of life’ ambassador  - Yeh Honsla

Yalan – For all the fun, pizza, amazing haircuts and dirty looks when I take a picture of you.. my dedication to you.. ‘Tenu leke’

Manoj – Always think of you when I watch this trailer… ‘Tere Sajda!’ I hope you find someone as crazy as Kajol and enjoy work more than ever before.

Nee nee – Babloo misses you! for you my hottie, ‘Khwab Dekhe’..; may all your dreams come through…

Dicky – Hoping that idiots from your office finally find their way out and your life find something more important than – khakhu. Because you yourself could not decide which song it was, I had to go through the entire playlist and listen to all the intros and finally found – Khudayave..

Kariya – today while driving back from yoga… guess what song played!! – ’soni de nakhra!’

Aditya – For the amazing brainstorming sessions at the start of this year! – we will find the rock version of that song!

So the wish for this year .. dance it!!

off with my travel shoes…

Once again traveling. This time around I am taking 7 trains in the next 8 days. Sounds exciting aint it? well to me it used to to me around 4 years. But slowly the charm is fading away. Anyways… I was thinking about the insane number of miles I would have traveled till now. I actually feel like taking an account. Thank God for computer systems (and our company happens to have a very hi-fi one!) to keep a record of all the tickets booked in our names in the past years.

While that is one data worth trying to find out, this time I am traveling to visit around 5 schools and helping them with data generated by a diagnostic test. Yes! numbers are scary and to most teacher so scary, that they prefer to throw these sheets in the bin. Will my presence change anything? No.  Just that the sheets will go to the bin, but may get a few red marks and rather half interested glance. So while every annoying (and yes! it is this time) trip that I make to try and make a tiny difference to the way education functions in our country, the list of rather interesting fellow passengers never seems to cease.

I am on an early evening train to Mumbai (the name itself wakes me up!), and across sits a boy in his early twenties accompanied by his dad. He is traveling to Mumbai for a US visa I guess. He cares two hoots about his dad sitting right next to him, and keeps giving me smiles. While they did annoy me, I tried to bury myself in the film ‘Milk’ – which by the way is a must watch. I am hoping I did scandalise a few senior citizens with the hot lesbian make out shots and tried to fast forward a few so that I would not be thrown out of the train for watching an Oscar winning ‘adult’ film in a public place.  The black and white photography gave me goose bums and I have decided to spend Saturday taking lovely shots of Mumbai.

I am slowly feeling a little excited about my trip. I am not at all prepared for the presentation I am to give

tomorrow morning, I have not slept one bit last night (more on that later shhhh…!!), and I carry the guilt of not spending enough time with my parents who have just returned from Japan. (Yes traveling seems to be in genes!)

The evening looks beautiful from these huge windows.  Which reminds me of the amazing evening spent with two of the most intelligent people I know. They beat almost everyone when it comes to knowing the details of things. If I were half as intelligent as either of them then I do not know what I would be doing. It was one of the most productive evenings in the past week. I love tallking about education and definately to someone who listens with patience and opposes the idea. While one of my friend thinks he should not argue with me when I am drunk that is exactly what I like and want someone to do with me whether I am drunk or not.  For that’s what confuses me and that’s exactly what makes me think.

I am going to end this rather long speech with one of the most hillarious and crazy moments of my life from last evening. Shnuz and I were shopping at my favourite stores, I was happily trying a nicely cut skirt in the changing rooms of my favourite store. Shunz had just bought me a wonderful pair of silver and rust earrings. And I needed something to go with it. I twisted and turned to look at the skirt from all angles. I secretly tried to dance as well, just to check if it would work fine for the upcoming parties. While I swayed my hands up in the air, I could hear Shnuz echoing my name in frantic pleasure. It was the puppy yelping kind of sound when he had found a shoe to tear apart in pleasure.  And slowly it started becoming rather urgent as it she had spotted a lark. I ran out of the changing room half knowing and preparing myself for what was coming. I was really hoping that there would be a better ways and times of introducing me to people. Definately not when my clothes were looking as if I had just come out from a steamy encounter from a flight bathroom. so while I adjusted my top and tried to look ‘nice’,  I had to say hello to someone who was least bothered to look at Shnuz, leave aside acknowledging my presence who Shnuz was trying to sell off as the ‘could  be significant one’.  Well as saving grace and a consolation prize I got a rather sweet smile from the other guy. I battled thoughts of crushing Shnuz with verbal shower of curse and shame enough to melt me on a well polished wooden floor. Shnuz was very unsucessful in setting up two people she had been wanting to meet. She had made a million plans of how she would do it in the most non-threatning manner, knowing the kind of guy her friend was. Well it God did make the meeting happen in the most casual and not planned fashion, but not to her satisfaction. The aftermath of this rather hillarious scene is that Shnuz is a little miffed with the man for not giving me due respect and a rather deserved look and me trying to think if I am driving Shnuz a little too crazy with my singlehood.

On that note I hope to find some more stories on this trip and promise to write about it all and daily if possible as promised to Nirjar.

blissfully peaceful

A couple of days back I had a huge fight with one of my closest friends. It consisted of everything crying, shouting, ridiculous messages, unending phone calls and some hours of silent cold treatment from my side.

I must say my friend is really patient. The unending tries to make me talk and shout about it was incredible. I don’t think I would have had the guts to do that. I would be scared to confront, to say and hear ugly things.

For over 18 hours this wonderful saga continued. And at the end of it all there was a blissfully happy me. A satisfied me that knew that whatever happens I know I can take my time, agree to disagree and shout about everything that went wrong in the week.

I slept like a child (and have been for the past three days!) after this. Woke up to a beautiful winter morning that was calm and with a realisation that  I had some amazing people around me that make me, me and let me be me!

change in taste

Today is the day when ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ stops being my favourite movie and ‘The Holiday’ is the absolutely deadly favourite movie of mine.

It not just makes sense but also makes you cry and laugh enough to know that there is much more to life than the past. There are many more people who can change the way your days look than those that have walked away long time back.

Here is a scene from the film that reminds me of every single person (click here to watch the scene) who has held my hand tight and managed to make me walk while I could not even get up from my bed.

“I can understand feeling small and insignificant and and doesn’t matter how many hew hair cuts you get or gyms you end up going to and no matter how many Chardonays you have with your girlfriends you still end up going over every detail, and thinking about what went wrong and how for that brief moment you felt that you were happy…

and then you go somewhere new and you meet people who make you feel worthwhile again and little pieces of your soul come alive again.”

Here’s another one that reminds me I don’t thank the shinning star of my life for the amount he makes me laugh and smile with every little idiotic thing that he does/says (Scene 2) Movies are my life and if you know me well you know how seriously I tend to take them. It’s okay if you cancel dinner or lunch with me. It’s okay if you don’t pick me up when we are going to friend’s place. But it’s just not okay if you are late for a movie or we don’t get tickets for a movie that I have decided to watch. I might sound like terror but that’s what movies tend to do to me.

(Thanks to ‘The holiday’ – I fell in love all over again)

productive evenings

I have been having rather long, unproductive and sort of boring days. It feels as if i sit in front of my comp, do random things like making task lists, fixing up my meetings and ufcourse the most interesting of them all booking tickets constantly. I really think clear trip needs to start having my name in their Hall of Fame. Since the past few days I feel I am acting like a robot.

8am – wake up
9:30am – at office
9:30 am – 6pm – dont really remember what I do
6:20pm – 10pm stare at the tv
and then there’s sleep.

Everyday is so similar that I have started forgetting what I had for dinner last night or what I wore to work a day before.

Anyways, So I had to give my self a sort of ‘buzz’ so I would wake up and realise that I am alive and kicking.

Last evening I called up Shnuzberry and we went out for a coffee. I sat there staring at the traffic, not affected by the urchins trying to get my attention and sipped my coffee. While she was getting totally irritated by the presence of the ‘oh so cannot tolerate urchins’. We talked about everything that mattered. Mostly heard each other and in some other situations nodded in almost approval. We sat there staring at the 15 somethings deeply discussing how the lecture just did not make sense.

Shnuz mentioned it a couple of times that it was good idea to come and have coffee, my brain registered the remark and was happy to see her face while she was passively smoking. I was done with replying for the day (May be just as effect of having to reply emails) and simply smiled of most of this.

I was wondering what would I do without her. She fills my silence with most the meaningful banter. I wish I could freeze the moment. Why can’t I digitally relive them. Usually I believe there is nothing in the world that is impossible. But there I thought to relive this blissful moment again was actually impossible.

We drove back talking about some other small things that mattered alot and smiled at each other.

too much of travel

I am in a state of jetlag (Well!! NO I have not been anywhere except India) but domestic travel itself is killing me alot. The last time I flew back home I hopped from Hyderabad – Nagpur and Indore to make it to Ahmedabad. Yes! there are direct flights but this was the only one that would have got me at the desired time. Fortunately for me it was Kingfisher all through and that made life a bit easy. 

There was a time when I looked forward to going away from Ahmedabad (and I still do) but the frequency these days is way too much. I am getting bored of looking at men carrying pink bags and taking flights which have 99% ugly – old men traveling in the flights. My friends have also decided to disown me and refuse to speak to me as I would end up spending roaming money.

I have stopped taking pictures, because I don’t have the energy to look for interesting shots after 3 hour sessions at schools. Okay! enough of cribbing…

So the good thing in all this is picked up reading through the days. After ages I force myself to read on an early flight instead of going off to sleep. I finished reading ‘The Effects of Light” by Miranda Beverly Whittmore. It’s one of those books you just do not want to put down. Thanks N! Apart from this, I started on two Candace Bushnell books and think will finish them off this weekend. 

Also met some very old friend and thanks to Ms. T happened to spend some amazing hours at the 13th Floor! in Bangalore.

@ those who stopped visiting because I had stopped writing.. sorry and I am back.

@ Nirjar – YES I promise to write more regularly

@ Lively – sorry missed seeing you again, promise to see you soon…:) hugs!

 

Losing half a glass of wine – 3

It had been exactly three days and a few walks from the bus stop to my place. I used to wonder what it is that makes that walk seem so long. Was it the dark lanes or the fact that there was noone around. Initially I used to try hard  to concentrate on what he used to say. I used to be scared of the lonely roads. But slowly I got used to the people who were walking my way. Infact they were so familiar that we had started exchanging smiles after the first two days.

Today was the 6th consecutive day when he said, No it’s okay i’ll catch the next bus and insisted on walking with me. The impulsive me, could not stop but ask. Do you really think, “I am a fool..”

He said, “No… but I sure am…”

(The walks continue.. and we relive a foolish dream each day)

tiny

‘tiny, tiny hai… ” she said.

I asked her, “Kya?”

“Woh bahut tiny tiny hai… woh ekdum ekdum tiny tiny khaata hai…”

I figured that she had picked up this new word in school today and so she kept looking for everything that she could call tiny. It had been an eventful week trying to figure out career moves. I must have spoken to all age groups possibly working (read trying to work!) to see what made sense to them. While painting a canvas of various possibilities I had to pick one such scenario that I could absolutely not live without. That was easy I thought… God knows why I was taking so long.

I realised that I had not been spending enough time with my 3 year old twin. There’s so much to learn, she taught me that there can only be one thing that can be important to you at one given time. It could be a word or a thing or a person. And so, if something else is put in your way just shooo it away.

So everything revolves around ‘tiny’ these days. I am trying to look at the ‘tiny’ difference that you make to my life and give it a meaningful bend.

coming back home

I was wondering what is better, coming back home or leaving for another city. Both seem to excite me equally.  Well it was a long tour and i had been hopping metros again for work. For the first time Delhi disappointed me with the sultry weather but Mumbai and Hyderabad were great breaks. Work was much more than I thought and for some reason my evenings were a little too lonely than they are. I tried long walks, going to the malls, randomly walking through lanes and trying to find things to do but it all seemed too much of a routine.

I realised it’s time, i knocked “‘let’s make changes in life’s ” door. It was high time i wore my sports shoes and ran a couple of miles to see if there was inspiration still kicking in me…

It’s high time I stopped looking at your pictures and hoping the for that hug…