blissfully peaceful

A couple of days back I had a huge fight with one of my closest friends. It consisted of everything crying, shouting, ridiculous messages, unending phone calls and some hours of silent cold treatment from my side.

I must say my friend is really patient. The unending tries to make me talk and shout about it was incredible. I don’t think I would have had the guts to do that. I would be scared to confront, to say and hear ugly things.

For over 18 hours this wonderful saga continued. And at the end of it all there was a blissfully happy me. A satisfied me that knew that whatever happens I know I can take my time, agree to disagree and shout about everything that went wrong in the week.

I slept like a child (and have been for the past three days!) after this. Woke up to a beautiful winter morning that was calm and with a realisation that  I had some amazing people around me that make me, me and let me be me!

change in taste

Today is the day when ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ stops being my favourite movie and ‘The Holiday’ is the absolutely deadly favourite movie of mine.

It not just makes sense but also makes you cry and laugh enough to know that there is much more to life than the past. There are many more people who can change the way your days look than those that have walked away long time back.

Here is a scene from the film that reminds me of every single person (click here to watch the scene) who has held my hand tight and managed to make me walk while I could not even get up from my bed.

“I can understand feeling small and insignificant and and doesn’t matter how many hew hair cuts you get or gyms you end up going to and no matter how many Chardonays you have with your girlfriends you still end up going over every detail, and thinking about what went wrong and how for that brief moment you felt that you were happy…

and then you go somewhere new and you meet people who make you feel worthwhile again and little pieces of your soul come alive again.”

Here’s another one that reminds me I don’t thank the shinning star of my life for the amount he makes me laugh and smile with every little idiotic thing that he does/says (Scene 2) Movies are my life and if you know me well you know how seriously I tend to take them. It’s okay if you cancel dinner or lunch with me. It’s okay if you don’t pick me up when we are going to friend’s place. But it’s just not okay if you are late for a movie or we don’t get tickets for a movie that I have decided to watch. I might sound like terror but that’s what movies tend to do to me.

(Thanks to ‘The holiday’ – I fell in love all over again)

productive evenings

I have been having rather long, unproductive and sort of boring days. It feels as if i sit in front of my comp, do random things like making task lists, fixing up my meetings and ufcourse the most interesting of them all booking tickets constantly. I really think clear trip needs to start having my name in their Hall of Fame. Since the past few days I feel I am acting like a robot.

8am – wake up
9:30am – at office
9:30 am – 6pm – dont really remember what I do
6:20pm – 10pm stare at the tv
and then there’s sleep.

Everyday is so similar that I have started forgetting what I had for dinner last night or what I wore to work a day before.

Anyways, So I had to give my self a sort of ‘buzz’ so I would wake up and realise that I am alive and kicking.

Last evening I called up Shnuzberry and we went out for a coffee. I sat there staring at the traffic, not affected by the urchins trying to get my attention and sipped my coffee. While she was getting totally irritated by the presence of the ‘oh so cannot tolerate urchins’. We talked about everything that mattered. Mostly heard each other and in some other situations nodded in almost approval. We sat there staring at the 15 somethings deeply discussing how the lecture just did not make sense.

Shnuz mentioned it a couple of times that it was good idea to come and have coffee, my brain registered the remark and was happy to see her face while she was passively smoking. I was done with replying for the day (May be just as effect of having to reply emails) and simply smiled of most of this.

I was wondering what would I do without her. She fills my silence with most the meaningful banter. I wish I could freeze the moment. Why can’t I digitally relive them. Usually I believe there is nothing in the world that is impossible. But there I thought to relive this blissful moment again was actually impossible.

We drove back talking about some other small things that mattered alot and smiled at each other.

too much of travel

I am in a state of jetlag (Well!! NO I have not been anywhere except India) but domestic travel itself is killing me alot. The last time I flew back home I hopped from Hyderabad – Nagpur and Indore to make it to Ahmedabad. Yes! there are direct flights but this was the only one that would have got me at the desired time. Fortunately for me it was Kingfisher all through and that made life a bit easy. 

There was a time when I looked forward to going away from Ahmedabad (and I still do) but the frequency these days is way too much. I am getting bored of looking at men carrying pink bags and taking flights which have 99% ugly – old men traveling in the flights. My friends have also decided to disown me and refuse to speak to me as I would end up spending roaming money.

I have stopped taking pictures, because I don’t have the energy to look for interesting shots after 3 hour sessions at schools. Okay! enough of cribbing…

So the good thing in all this is picked up reading through the days. After ages I force myself to read on an early flight instead of going off to sleep. I finished reading ‘The Effects of Light” by Miranda Beverly Whittmore. It’s one of those books you just do not want to put down. Thanks N! Apart from this, I started on two Candace Bushnell books and think will finish them off this weekend. 

Also met some very old friend and thanks to Ms. T happened to spend some amazing hours at the 13th Floor! in Bangalore.

@ those who stopped visiting because I had stopped writing.. sorry and I am back.

@ Nirjar – YES I promise to write more regularly

@ Lively – sorry missed seeing you again, promise to see you soon…:) hugs!

 

Losing half a glass of wine – 3

It had been exactly three days and a few walks from the bus stop to my place. I used to wonder what it is that makes that walk seem so long. Was it the dark lanes or the fact that there was noone around. Initially I used to try hard  to concentrate on what he used to say. I used to be scared of the lonely roads. But slowly I got used to the people who were walking my way. Infact they were so familiar that we had started exchanging smiles after the first two days.

Today was the 6th consecutive day when he said, No it’s okay i’ll catch the next bus and insisted on walking with me. The impulsive me, could not stop but ask. Do you really think, “I am a fool..”

He said, “No… but I sure am…”

(The walks continue.. and we relive a foolish dream each day)

tiny

‘tiny, tiny hai… ” she said.

I asked her, “Kya?”

“Woh bahut tiny tiny hai… woh ekdum ekdum tiny tiny khaata hai…”

I figured that she had picked up this new word in school today and so she kept looking for everything that she could call tiny. It had been an eventful week trying to figure out career moves. I must have spoken to all age groups possibly working (read trying to work!) to see what made sense to them. While painting a canvas of various possibilities I had to pick one such scenario that I could absolutely not live without. That was easy I thought… God knows why I was taking so long.

I realised that I had not been spending enough time with my 3 year old twin. There’s so much to learn, she taught me that there can only be one thing that can be important to you at one given time. It could be a word or a thing or a person. And so, if something else is put in your way just shooo it away.

So everything revolves around ‘tiny’ these days. I am trying to look at the ‘tiny’ difference that you make to my life and give it a meaningful bend.

coming back home

I was wondering what is better, coming back home or leaving for another city. Both seem to excite me equally.  Well it was a long tour and i had been hopping metros again for work. For the first time Delhi disappointed me with the sultry weather but Mumbai and Hyderabad were great breaks. Work was much more than I thought and for some reason my evenings were a little too lonely than they are. I tried long walks, going to the malls, randomly walking through lanes and trying to find things to do but it all seemed too much of a routine.

I realised it’s time, i knocked “‘let’s make changes in life’s ” door. It was high time i wore my sports shoes and ran a couple of miles to see if there was inspiration still kicking in me…

It’s high time I stopped looking at your pictures and hoping the for that hug…

important garble

I have my feet in a puddle and my hands in the clouds. I would have been shouting really loudly if the thunder was not giving me a complex right now. The lighting is smiling more than me. The wind seems to have heard about my plan and music in my head refuses to stop.

My brain does not stop talking when I travel. Because there is nothing much to do at times especially when you have too many things to do. There are times when I get lines in my head and I need to write them down. They really dont make much sense but they need to be written (Can you relate it to?)

Like today, I told this friend of mine. Listen I am not scared (irritated) because this is  happening. If I wanted it to happen I would have let it, long time back.  This is exactly what I dont want.

for those who do drop by here.. just wanted to let you guys know that I am much better , happier, may be because I am traveling for the next 20 days!

what it is not?

The wine was lying there for longer than I thought. Ria had been writing on a piece of paper in different ways. funny?  no!~ witty.

She was walking on the road for 30 minutes feeling the wind her hair. She thought this was the best thing she had done in so many days. Walking along the road, sometimes hitting the pebble and sometimes looking up at the sky and tasting the rain. She lifted her hand up to catch a few drop in her hand, when her phone rang.  she picked it up with a huge smile, “So?”, said the voice on the other side.

She remembered every moment she had reharsed in front of the mirror. She had done it as she thought she wont be able to see how rude it sounds. 

Silence…

 The longer you take, the murkier.

contemplating

there was a time when I thought confusion was bad. How can one afford to be confused about what they want in life? And then over the past 4 years of working with students and extensive stesearch in education (others did that .. but I helped wherever I could),  I corrected myself and changed my statement to “Confusion – is exactly what we want! – for confusion is the first step to getting things resolved!”

Well! – today I am not just confused but contemplating as well..  Contemplating ways of getting out of it.. and whether to dump the confusion and move on with life. What caused it ?

Well, I took 5 days off last week and decided to go and meet some really old friends. Some pals who had lost touch and some others I desperately needed to meet. And there came a whole new set of introspective days. I thought about what I really wanted, deserved, should deserve and should be expecting.  Everytime I take this absolute breaks I think about moving out all over again.  (Ru RU, i know what you are thinking.. it’s just that time of the year! – when I want to get out of the rut again!) – But I guess this time it’s a little bit more serious.. alittle bit more focussed. Guess even a little bit more frustrated with the way things are going.

So this time it’s paper, pencil, thoughts, plans, actions and there you go…

IF you think you know what i should be doing? where I should be going.. Go ahead.. give me ideas!